Thursday, April 4, 2013

When I was young....

When you are young, you get the luxury of living a relatively burdened free life. The dramas and challenges that rule your universe, while huge and in your face at the moment, become a bit trivial when you get to "grow up" a few short years later- faced with big bills, relationships that require a lot of work (and pride swallowing), and a job you might hate waking up for everyday. 

When you are young, even death seems like a far off thunderstorm. You see it looming ahead, its ominous dark blustery clouds swirling menacing in their fierceness, but it's so far away- why be concerned about it now? Sure, you may have the death of a grandparent and, although sad and life-altering, it might be expected. Friends and relatives will say: "Oh they lived such a life! How lucky they had a family that loved them with grandchildren and great grandchildren!"

When you are young, such sayings mean little to you because YOU are the one living your life at that moment, and you're comfortable with the fact that the deceased lived to an "old age."  You have not met the hard, often cold truth the world likes to smack you in the face with occasionally.

The truth is that life is two sides of the same coin: spectacularly beautiful yet unfairly cruel.

When you are young, you hold the world by the tail. Strong in body, overwhelmingly optimistic in spirit and powerful in the mind, there isn't much you can't do.

When you are young, you absurdly think love is easy. What is so hard about the concept of "I love you and you love me"?  It's as simple as that, right?

When you are young, exciting life experiences are expected. The hard stuff will come later you're sure, but for now the unfair cruelty hasn't showed it's ugly self. You still get to be young and carefree ...... so let the good times roll:

When you are young, life may knock you around and you feel some pain, but you get back up quickly....why? 

Because you're young that's what you do.

Then time, as it often does, moves swiftly and without your permission.
 Life begins to show you how unfair it really can be...........

....but certain truths become illuminated to you. 

The beauty of life, the other side of the coin, is ever present even if buried underneath the brutality. 

The beautiful truth that authentic friendship never leaves, regardless of distance:


The humbling truth that there is no support system like that of your family:



The gorgeous and hopeful truth that true love really does exist:

You learn the often overlooked truth that real heroes come in many different packages.

 Heroes are heroes even if they are small....

Or furry.....

..... or beautiful....

....or the strongest, toughest person you've ever met...

But the great thing about the hero in this story is 
even his unfair and cruel death......

you learn he still wins. 

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Coffee talk

"We really need to talk"....this was one of my favorite ways to put Chris on the spot. I get his full anxious attention and then say something trivial, like: "I don't want to eat macroni and cheese for dinner again" then he would roll his eyes at me and say: "Why do you do that to me!?" I can't really trick him now, he calls my bluff, but I still like to throw it out there every once in a blue moon, like tonight. 

A while back, I wrote a blog asking Chris questions. I don't remember where I got the questions so I  re-googled "questions to ask your spouse". We talk A LOT. Like a lot-a lot, so half the weird questions that popped up on my search (what is your favorite caress?)  I already could infer the answer.  I finally picked a list with 124 questions then asked Chris a random 10:
 Hey. We really need to talk....
(Not looking up from his dinner plate) What's up? (See what I mean)
6. Ok, describe the way I smell.
 Mmmm...(looking off into the distance). I don't know what that smell is...GARLIC!
Just kidding, but you do love garlic!
Well, that is true, but that's my smell to you?
No, you smell lilac-ish.
Oh my God, I'm going to brush my teeth!!

8. ANYWAYS, my garlic breath wants to know: what's the first thing you notice when you look at a man?
 What? When I look at a man?
 HAHAHAH. That's the question, you have to answer!
Their face? How tall they are? I don't know....

11. So, how do you feel if I come into the bathroom when you are using the facilities? 
Fine, as long as YOU don't mind me being naked....I don't know, what are these questions?!

 20.How old were you the first time you thought you were in love? 
Mmmm....I thought I was in love...what 14? 
How am I supposed to know?
 Well, little kid love anyways.
 Nice recovery.

22.Did you parents tell you about sex, or did you already know? 
I figured it out I guess?
Oh really, how?
Uhhhh movies mainly. Side boob shots- everybody like a little side boob.

34. If you had one day to live, what would you do?
Probably hang around with you all day. Just keep you in my sights, all day.
 That's a sweet answer.
What else would I do?

47. Well then, what is the one thing that I do that makes you crazy? 
I know this: you always talk to me as soon I walk into another room. WHY are you talking to me when I ? Wait 2 seconds and I'll be back, or come find me.

56. How do you handle anger? Has it ever caused a problem in your life?  
 I don't know. I've never killed anybody, if that's what you're asking.

69. Do you believe in ghosts?
Normally I would say no to that, but I do believe there might be things that are difficult to explain. I don't believe in Casper the friendly ghost type shit. But have you seen the movie ghost.....pretty sexy.

 Are you getting bored of this game?
It's whatever. I can tell you that I'm getting pretty excited about using that new toilet paper....

91.What was your favorite age to be and why?
Right now, sister. *Elaborate, please* Well, I don't have any regrets so why would I go backwards? I do the same shit I did ten years ago....only I do it legally now, I'm better looking, my wife is amazing, I have a house, and I have kick-ass dogs.

124.What is the thing that you fear most?
 That prohibition comes back.

There you go folks! Happy Wednesday from a guy that once posed like this: 

but to be fair....he married someone who poses like this:

Monday, November 19, 2012


I have a dry erase board on my refrigerator. Usually I write my grocery list on it, take a picture then use the picture at the store, like this:

 and like this:

I don't always use the board for practical reasons. I consider myself a world-class doodler, sometimes inspiration strikes and I use my dry-erase board to express my emotions. 

For example, here is a picture of our High School mascot with a baseball in his mouth literally "flipping the bird." 
 I made this drawing for Chris when the baseball team was playing a championship game:

And once during Fall I drew a picture of Edgar Allen Poe:

 There is a great website called Free Crappy Portraits that creates a unique portrait of you based on fun facts about yourself, and a picture you send in. I felt inspired by this great website and created a dry-erase masterpiece that would show Chris how awesome I thought he was........

A shirtless, rock-star Chris.....riding a unicorn.
He was extremely impressed.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Great Expectations

Stupid Pinterest has given me false expectations in my life. According to my Pinterest boards, I plan on being a master chef and baker as well as a world class dresser who can make hand crafted tables out of pallets found on the side of the road; and sew my own wardrobe and I always know the perfect gift (which I make myself of course). In all honesty, I probably could do most of the things I've pinned, but who really wants to take a Saturday making a wind chime from recycled wine bottles or wainscoting your entire living room?! According to my Pinterest board, I do.

If you've seen my boards, you might notice a theme: a lot food pins (37) and dessert pins (41); but my board for exercise ideas? A whopping 4 pins. Oh, and eating healthy? 3 pins Clearly my priorities are in order!  

Every once in awhile an idea will storm the internet like the beaches of Normandy, and every pinner out there will say: "YES! I can and WILL do this!!" As an example, I give you... The Sock Bun. If you don't know what the sock bun is, and would like the tutorial, click here. 

Basically, you cut off the tip of a sock:

 Roll it up, and slide the sock down a pony tail.

 Throw in a few more steps, and when it is all said and done, it should look like this random citizen's hair:
(the bun kind of reminds me of a sea urchin)

or like this perfection from Lauren Conrad:
L.C. you also give me false expectations in life. 

When Chris and I were in college, he would constantly steal my socks. I'm not sure how or when he would steal them, but I'd open the drawer and BAM, it was empty save for the one or two loner socks without a mate. At one point, I told my dad of this problem; he bought me a 6 six pack of hot pink socks. He literally said: "Now if Chris is out there on the baseball field with hot pink socks on, we'll know whose they really are." I think I wore those hot pink socks once, and yes, he does stretch them out with his man-feet. But guess what? Socks are still stolen from me. Unless they are a girly color, they all end up in Chris' sock drawer. I don't even care anymore. I just steal them back and wear them all stretchy. 

My point of that mini-story is tell you I had NO problem marching over to Chris' sock drawer, selecting a sock and snipping off the toe (it was probably my sock at one point anyway). Even though I felt glee from ruining a sock of his, it was short lived when I actually attempted the Pinterest Popular "Sock Bun.''
 It wasn't  funny or worth talking about, it just looked stupid.

I didn't even take a picture but I felt like these ladies who also experienced a "Sock Bun Fail" :

I feel ya ladies. 

When my sock bun trial resulted in complete failure, I didn't even care to try again.
I ripped the rolled up sock out of my hair, threw it across the room and went in search of a snack. 

A couple of weeks ago, I was watching t.v. while Chris was folding laundry. I heard him make a perplexed "huh" sound, but continued to ignore him as I was simultaneously pinning more "I'll never really do this" pins to my Pinterest boards. 

About a minute later Chris said to me: "Honey? What happened to this sock? How did the toe cut get off so perfectly?" It was then that I looked at him and saw this: 

He was genuinely confused. 

The poor sock, that was thrown when it failed me miserably, had made it's way into the laundry and now had a new purpose:

A toeless foot warmer.